Another post-op visit with my doctor

Today, Dale and I went for another post-op visit with my doctor.

My incision is healing well. Thankfully, it is getting covered up by my hair. Only a little bit sticks out by my ear and I'm very happy about that. Pretty soon I'll be ready for a visit to the salon to get my hair color touched up and I'll be very happy to NOT be a gray haired lady any more. I wonder if they had shaved ALL of my hair off ~ would it ALL have come back gray like the part they shaved off? Eeeee. Let's not think about it!

I had a hearing test and they are now certain that I will NOT regain the hearing in my right ear. This is NOT the result I had hoped for and I was disappointed ~ as I was sure it was going to come back. Some days I would imagine that I would be going about my business and "poof" my hearing would be back! Wishful thinking I guess.

The doctor went over two hearing "aid" options:

1) CROS hearing aids
CROS hearing aids are for people who are deaf in one ear and have normal, or near normal, hearing in the other ear. They consist of two parts. The person wears what looks like two hearing aids. The “hearing aid” on the deaf ear basically consists of a microphone (to pick up sounds on the deaf side) and a transmitter. The transmitter sends these sounds via radio waves to the “hearing aid” on the good ear. This second part of a CROS aid system basically consists of a receiver and an amplifier. It amplifies the sounds it receives from the deaf side, and then feeds these sounds into the good ear.

2) Baha implant
The Baha is a surgically implantable system for treatment of hearing loss that works through direct bone conduction. The Baha consists of three parts: a titanium implant, an external abutment, and a sound processor. The system works by enhancing natural bone transmission as a pathway for sound to travel to the inner ear, bypassing the external auditory canal and middle ear. The titanium implant is placed during a short surgical procedure and over time naturally integrates with the skull bone. For hearing, the sound processor transmits sound vibrations through the external abutment to the titanium implant. The vibrating implant sets up vibrations within the skull and inner ear that finally stimulate the nerve fibers of the inner ear, allowing hearing.

They had a Baha implant simulator at the doctor's office. I tried it on and I do have to admit....IT WAS GREAT. It's A LOT of money and it's surgery, so there is a ton to consider. Oh, they do let you pick the color to match your hair. No, I would not pick gray to match my current color!!

So....two options to research and think about. The doctor feels the Baha is the better of the two options ~ but of course, it's my decision.

I don't suppose any of you reading this are walking around wearing one of these?? If so, I'd love to hear what you think.

Too much thinking today ~ boy it would be nice if someone else made the decisions!!

Work - Day 1

Yesterday was the day ~ I went back to work. I was so nervous, I could hardly breath.

I packed a lunch of 2 protein drinks, a protein bar, a peanut butter sandwich, pretzels, mixed nuts, Dr. Pepper, green tea, 2 string cheese sticks and two bagels that my mom brought me ~ uh, yes, I do realize that it may have been a bit much....for a half day!! : )

Mom came in the morning and drove me to work ~ late for her and really early for me!! If you know me, then you know my favorite hobby is sleeping in!!

Holding mom's arm, I entered the building and was greeted with smiles from all my coworkers! They are a super group of people and I was really happy to see everyone. I did NOT cry....miracle! : )

It was a short day, I only planned on working 1/2 day to begin with ~ trying to ease myself back into it. After yesterday, I knew for sure that 1/2 days were the way to start! I made it through the day okay and felt like I did okay. Didn't tip over ~ didn't freak out and only had a hard time hearing one or two people. Not bad all things considered! By the end of the day (or 1/2 day) I was exhausted, my eyes were dried out and I was afraid if I blinked that I would fall straight asleep!! Dale picked me up at 1:00pm SHARP (I begged and begged him to please not be even a second late ~ in fear of the ever dreaded "freak out" ~ he is my hero and as always, did not let me down).

We came straight home and I sat in a semi-coma on the sofa until dinner time. Dinner was MEAT and KETCHUP. Yum! I then sat in my semi-coma until Dancing with the Stars came on TV and I watched (half watched ~ half asleep). Went to sleep after and it was the best sleep I've had in a while....though I did have a dream I was holding my mom above my head trying to keep her from some attacking animal ~ kind of badger or wolverine or fox....not sure what the animal was but it was small and nasty and I think we were in the mall?? Maybe it was the ketchup??

Come to think of it, Dale read me a short story by Edgar Allan Poe last night in bed ~ that could cause the crazy dream, for certain!!

So......not too bad for my first day back to work!!

Day 2 is Wednesday ~ keep your fingers crossed!

Physical Therapy and date with my mom...

Today, I started physical therapy and Dale and I both really liked Paul the therapist. He seemed to have a real understanding of my surgery and of how I feel and our goals seem the same. I real relief. Today's session was mostly an evaluation and we are going to be working on my balance, my focus (eye sight) and my neck and shoulders (ouch). I have hope (for once).

Later today I also go back to the hospital for massage therapy. No beautiful calming music, no scented candles. It's all about healing ~ but I'm looking forward to going and hopefully getting some relief for my neck and shoulders (ouch ~ again).

Haven't updated you for a while so here's what's been going on...

It was a good weekend ~ walked outside with Dale a lot on Saturday and Sunday he took me to my sisters for my niece's birthday. FIRST MAJOR OUTING ~ FIRST VISIT WITH ALL OF MY FAMILY. I was totally nervous going there ~ would I be freaked out? would I be too tired? would it be too loud? It was really LOUD and a little overwhelming but all things considered, I think I did okay. I was exhausted by the time I got home and pretty much just crawled into bed for the night!!

Monday, my mom came over and took me for a nice walk in downtown Royal Oak and for lunch. It was cold outside but getting out in the fresh air helps A LOT. I had Thai food ~ NO BEEF ~ it set in my stomach okay and I was pleased. I was totally exhausted when I got home and fell asleep sitting up with the cat. I didn't know I was asleep until Dale came home and woke me up. Whoops!

It's rather gloomy outside but I'm making an effort to be "okay". It's my goal for this week. I want to be "okay" and doing things that make me feel somewhat normal! Not easy, but I'm giving it my best ~ so far, so good. But let's not think about it anymore right now!

I spoke with my boss last week and I'm am going to attempt going back to work next Monday. I'm going to try partial days the first week ~ Monday, Wednesday and Friday. My goal is to make it through a four hour day each day. Not sure about Tuesday and Thursday as these are physical therapy days and so I'll have to see how that goes. I can't drive yet so mom & Dale are splitting the driving duties. I feel lousy about it but they're being really cool about it. Hopefully the first week will go okay and I can work myself back up to normal full time days. Scared to death just thinking about it!

Off to do my balance exercises...

Kathy

Gloomy day today!

Today I'm not feeling all that well at all and I don't know if it's the weather or not. My stomach is upset and my head feels really heavy.

I'm getting frustrated with the good day/bad day/good day/bad day.

I spoke with my doctor yesterday and he just said that the head is tricky and it's normal and to give it time. Seems like that's what he always says to anything I ask about. I'm probably just frustrated but sometimes it just seems like he's blowing me off. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm the only one that ever asks questions or complains.

It might just be my mood ~ I'm not sure.

I'm concerned that every day it's gloomy outside that I'm going to feel gloomy too. I'm just not good at this!

Turning lemons into lemonade?

Dale told me I had to post again today and I should try posting something happy....so I thought I'd give it a shot. Dale had Friday, Saturday and Sunday off work and they were by far, my best days yet. Maybe it was the company? Maybe it was the weather? Maybe they were just decent days??? Friday we went for a ride to Lowes, Trader Joes and Borders. I still had a hard time with Lowes and Trader Joes. I know I'm supposed to walk by myself ~ unassisted ~ but I held on to Dale's arm at Lowes and held on to the cart at Trader Joes. It was still hard but easier than going it alone. Borders was okay ~ I think because it's quieter....?? It was a pretty good day. Saturday Dale and I were both a little tired and felt a little out of sorts ~ so we stayed home ~ except for our daily walk. We both took naps and just relaxed with each other. Pretty good day. Sunday we both felt pretty good so we walked and we bought more groceries and went to the drugstore (they had fleece blankets for $0.25....each) and then we went out to lunch at a little family restaurant by the house. Boy, that was really loud! It was really nice day. I sat outside on the porch while Dale washed his car and it was a great ~ sitting in the sun ~ fresh air. Our walk was nice and over all ~ a really good weekend.

Today, I woke up at around 5am with a huge headache and pain behind my ear and eye. Instantly, I assumed it was the start of something really bad. I took my Tylenol and Naproxen and went to bed. I WOKE UP AT 10AM AND IT WAS GONE. Huge relief.

I have a whole list of "little things" that most people would get done in a day ~ but it's my list for the week and I'll be happy if I can get them done this week.

I plan to sit outside after I'm done with this post. Maybe I can get some reading done before Dale gets home for our walk!

I only wish I could work on my emotions. It's hard. Wednesday it's supposed to rain and it causes me great anxiety because I think......what if the rain makes me feel worse? What if every time it's gloomy outside I feel lousy? I know logically ~ it's stupid. It's just hard somehow for me to snap out of it.

Well, that's all I'm writing because I'll end up writing negative stuff.

I do want to say 'THANK YOU" outloud to some people that have checked in on me via the blog. I can't tell you enough how much it helps to hear a friendly voice now & then. You all give me hope. So.....to my sister Denise, my Cousin Leslie, Bobbie Jo Lee, Larry Kinsel, Larry Faloon, Nelia Bernabe and Kay ~ our new friend from Texas......THANK YOU GUYS ~ all of you. XOXO

Who am I - My first post after surgery...

Dale's been telling me I should post something ~ you know, "my first post" ~ after surgery. I've been avoiding it because I haven't had anything positive to say. Pretty much everything on my mind is negative and I'm having a really hard time seeing the good side. Today I'm trying to feel good and rather than sitting here watching TV, I thought I would give it a shot. So here I am and this is my list of good and bad.

GOOD:
1. Dale. He is everything to me and all these years later, I still don't understand why he's picked me ~ but I am grateful everyday. He is kind and smart and beautiful (not pretty) in every way. I can only hope to one day be even half as good as him.

2. My tumor was not cancer.

3. I survived surgery.

BAD:
1. Walking is hard. I can walk by myself now but I have to give it complete focus and it's annoying.

2. I can't hear out of my right ear or I should say, the only the only thing I hear is really loud buzzing (static, humming...not really sure how to describe it). After I'm in a room with lots of noise, it's even louder and oh......it's annoying.

3. My hearing in my left ear is good in fact, it seems like everything is even louder. Things get to be too much. There are no soft sounds anymore.....it's annoying.

4. I am hungry for protein constantly. If I wait too long, I feel sick. It's annoying.

5. When I go from standing to sitting or sitting to standing I get a major head rush. It also happens if I try to bend down. I've learned to pick things up with my toes so I don't have to bend down as much. Stupid ~ but true. It's annoying.

6. I hear my heart beat in my left ear. I can usually ignore it except when I exert myself it gets very loud. It's annoying.

7. Looking to the left is hard to do and it does not feel good. I think it's because of the muscles they cut on my right side.....too tight!! It makes me a little dizzy and it's annoying.

8. Sleeping stinks! I'm a stomach sleeper and it's not comfortable right now. If I sleep on my right side, it feels really weird because my incision is still very sensitive and my head is still kind of numb. If I sleep on my left side, I can't hear (good ear). If I sleep on my back, I wake up with a really uncomfortable stiff head/neck. It's annoying.

9. My head feels like I have a bag of sand in it. Very heavy and awkward. Can't really explain it but it's kind of disorienting. My head hurts when I walk too hard or if it's jolted at all or if it shakes or if I'm on a bumpy road. It's annoying.

10. I'm tired a lot. Very annoying.

11. My face hurts when I open my mouth (not funny) ~ my lower jaw hurts. Not sure if it's muscles or sinus'. It's annoying.

12. I'm sad. I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say but it's new and not pleasant. I'm sad and I cry and I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know ~ I get it. Two steps forward and one step back. Blah, blah. I'm sick of hearing it.

I really don't think of myself as a person that over exaggerates pain or discomfort. I have a pretty high tolerance for those things but this is so much more than I was prepared for. I find it interesting that in all of the paperwork and discussion of the surgery that the only information about what to expect after surgery is one small single sided list that tells you not to blow your nose and to keep your head elevated and to call them if you have a clear discharge from your nose. Okay...still not sure the difference between a runny nose and clear discharge! When I see the doctor and ask about my list I get no real answers...."could be a few weeks ~ could be a few months". Hello??? Not comforting. I work much better in black & white. Not real good with the grey area and I would think that they could come up with some sort of average?? I guess I'm asking for too much! I'm supposed to go back to work in a couple weeks and I just don't see how on earth I'm supposed to do that! Sitting at a desk ~ in clothes ~ bathed ~ in a big room ~ with bright lights ~ and noise ~ for 8 hours! I know it's important to be positive and I know it's still a couple weeks away and maybe things will change ~ but it makes me sick to think about it. I love my job ~ my coworkers are great and my employer is great but this just seems hopeless to me right now. Heck, it will take me forever just getting from the parking lot to my desk. Do I bring a chair and take a break half way to my desk? Lovely! What about my house? I have painting to do and wallpaper to strip and flowers to plant. Hmm....real easy to do without bending down! Last weekend Dale took me to the grocery store. I felt totally disconnected from it. All these people swirling around me ~ loud and fast and bright. It was very disorienting. Supposed to try it again tonight. Yuck.

So, I guess my first post ended up being a rant and if you've actually read it and gotten this far ~ thanks for listening. I will try to come up with something a little more positive next time.

Round & Round We Go - Who Wound Kathy Up?

Today was a very good day! Kathy (on her own ) did about 10 'laps' around our back yard. Sure it probably took about 10 minutes a lap & it took two outings, but hey what a accomplishment!
A week ago we could only hope to be this far along now. Of course Kathy was so worn out from ALL the activity that she almost fell asleep at the dinner table, don't worry she was still able to enjoy some teriyaki beef & mashed potatoes.
So what would her up? I think it is the warm weather, so I am looking forward to this week end with expected highs around 60. That could be good for some more walking and maybe even a car ride to Kensington Park or a farmers market??

Hope all out there are well and as always...thanks for your prayers and well wishes.

Sincerely,

Nurse dale (official chronicler of Kathy's recovery)

From Barf to Burgers to Belching, the Blues and Beyond.

We have had some pretty good days & one sorta OK day.

Anyone who has been following our journey knows the early post op days were not great gastrointestinal wise. We have progressed to the 'all Kathy wants to eat is protein, esp. beef phase'. And anyone that knows Kathy & I well knows we do not eat much fat or beef so......it is of no surprise that Kathy's GI system has decided to rebel slightly (just slightly). We now have a case of the burps or rather belches. Really, my wife right now could hold her own against any beer drinking Bubba on super bowl Sunday! We're sure it's only temporary, but it sure has provided some good laughs in this house.



Tuesday was a very good day, we had a good visit to the ear surgeon, went out to breakfast (first outside meal & first non doctor public outing), surprised Mom @ her office, walked out side a bit, had a good nap & dinner and slept most of the night. Kathy still complains she walks funny but hey, she's walking!



Wednesday Kathy woke with the blues. She just could not get comfortable and like many others post op of major surgery was very frustrated with all the discomfort, pain and the length of time it takes to heal. Not unexpected. So when she called me at work crying I came home right a way with my clown face on (same one I was born with). It took a good lunch, a walk outside & a nap but she was smiling by the end of the day, still very, very tired but smiling.
We are so much further along than two weeks ago, still on average behind schedule but NOT going backwards. She's still worried about 'The Thursday Curse' even though last Thursday was fine.
So, we are hoping for a full night of sleep and a great tomorrow.

We Didn't Turn The Corner, But We Walked The Block!

Two full nights of sleep and..........
Braving the cold & wind, into the bright sunshine & the sounds of birds singing......our Kathy did indeed walk ten houses down & ten houses back! AND the icing on this cake, we walked across the soft and very uneven lawn ("this is really a weird sensation"). Can you imagine just walking across a lawn feels weird? Of course after this strenuous workout a well deserved rest was in order to be followed by what else? A steak dinner.
I'm not sure what's going to be more expensive in the long run....the medical bills or all these steak dinners.
Tomorrow we are going to do more walking (we are in training for Tuesday's follow up appointment with the ear surgeon). Kathy wants to kick butt! (as long as it's not mine!)
Oh yes, Kathy tried her first piece of chocolate today and...........nope sorry, she didn't like it and neither did her stomach. What did they do to my wife? We met because of chocolate, we both love chocolate (or did) , it's a theme with us. I guess only time will tell. Hey, I married her despite the fact she likes disco music, so I am sure we'll stay together if she has lost her love of chocolate.

I think we are on our way to better days. Keep those prayers & good thoughts coming.