This is going to be a looooong week

I always find it difficult to get up and going on Mondays. I've always felt that sleeping was one of my favorite hobbies ~ I'm really good at it!! But this morning, I found it difficult to stay asleep when my alarm went off. I stayed in bed trying to figure out the words to Earth, Wind and Fire's, "September". I called Denise and she didn't know either ~ so I got up and figured, "what the heck", how about getting to work on time. Maybe I'll be on time every day this week ~ well, every day except Friday. Friday is the big day and I'm struggling with my feelings. I know I need the surgery and it's the right thing to do but it's really strange planning for surgery when I'm feeling good and knowing that I will not be feeling good after the surgery. There are too many questions rolling around my mind. How much of my hair will be shaved off? Will I be able to hear? Will my face look funny (or funnier)? How long until I can stand up and walk like a normal person? What will the scar look like? Yuck. Will I throw up? I really hate throwing up. Okay, I know everyone hates throwing up ~but I feel totally paralyzed throwing up ~ before, during and after. Just ask my mom!! It's not pretty!! What about Dale. Is this too stressful? I don't want to upset him and I don't want him to get sick. What about my mom. She acts cool ~ but I know she's upset and I really prefer to be the one that makes things better for people ~ not worse. The whole money issue sucks ~ we've spent a ton of money the past couple months and I'm totally worried about not having a paycheck while I'm away from work...it makes me very nervous being away from work for so long. My head hurts and I wish I hadn't given up Diet Coke. I really love Diet Coke and today, I miss it. At least there are M&Ms in my desk at work and they are my friends and will help me make it through the next few days ~ Dale and M&Ms ~ thank goodness for them both!!